Love and other doomed journeys

I was walking but then I found that track
No! They said but I wanted happiness
I left contentment and entered darkness
I begin my journey. But all in pitch black.
It’s dark in here. A flower will not bloom
Love and joy I seek. But I will not find
I stagger in the dark that makes me blind
I go on my doomed journey in the gloom
Frustration and anger grow in my head
And as images of my friends fade
I scream for help but receive no aid
I continue to stagger - left for dead.

Today I still stagger on my journey
Hear my story. Come here and walk with me


30th November 1998

Wish who were here?

Oh how I wish that she was here today
I need sympathy. She will understand
She gets me through taking me by the hand
All the things left unsaid. To her I will say
She wanted me but all was not sublime
I was not interested - Sad but true
But when I saw the light. She left me too
Still I return to claim what is mine
But now I am alone by methods foul
Boredom that eats me need retribution
I need to escape this institution
I do not care what's said. I need her now
I need to escape the jail that is this
I want her here now. It is her I miss


30th November 1998

Depression

That's it! Everything has all led to this
Everyone else is inside unaware
About the loner. But they don't care
That loser was someone they would not miss

Outside in the cold I stare at the sky
In the cold and dark night I search for hope
A symbol, anything, so I can cope
Nothing, no justice I let out a cry

They will not listen to me. It's not fair
Since no one cared for my cry for help
I throw myself to my death with a yelp
And everyone else is still unaware

All I ever wanted was empathy
Even in my death there's no sympathy


15th November 1998

I am at Fault

And so I am left out there in the cold
Slowly dying with no one to see
That I have something to say
Hear me
And this story will continue to unfold
They all saw me commit a shocking crime
They all turned their backs away from me
And showered the victim with sympathy
But I learned from this incident in time
As they all left me alone in the dark
I finally see the wrong of my crime
But it’s too late. I am there in the grime
And so, on this cold stone, I make my mark.

I should not complain when I am alone
For it’s nobody’s fault but my own


15th November 1998

Harsh Judgement

Circle of people, numbered thirty nine
They are in communion. They are legion
In friendliness I enter their region
Then things went wrong. I wasn’t given time
I stayed but they did not want me there
In fruitless attempts to be their friend
They got annoyed. They wanted me to end
And so they left me. They just did not care.
They were one. Anyone outside was a freak
When things went wrong they helped one another
It was nobody else. Only just each other
Their isolation made me lost and weak

Outsiders are not welcome in this zone
They all walked away and left me alone


15th November 1998

Madman

I have a problem but I have a cure
Jumping off a ten story city block
Laugh to my laugh, I plummet like a rock
Singing the Eighteen Twelve Overture
They left me did they? I will show them all!
Lonely. Isolation was their action
Now I gleefully face oblivion
I laugh sadistically as I fall
But the end must come to my happy ride
Becuase I now see the concrete footpath
And then I let out my final last laugh
My head cracks open. Blood runs like a tide
On impact I die in a bloody mess
And on my face a grin most hideous


15th November 1998

Agonised Screaming

I am alone. I have been left to die
They do not want me. They just want me dead.
Looking upward, I raise my battered head.
And then I scream an agonised cry
The demons of my troubled past won’t die
They still return. To hurt, destroy and haunt.
I see them and their methods of taunt
And then I scream an agonised cry
Love is a good reason for me to die
Everywhere there are couples around
And there are so many girls who turn me down
And then I scream an agonised cry

I scream for lost love, memories and rage
And so begins the traffic of this stage


15th November 1998