No one came to my party

The letterbox’s empty cos’ there’s no mail
The cake isn’t tasting as great as it should
The wine’s going flat and the beer’s no good
And all the tasty food is going stale
The music’s loud but there’s no dancing feet
Where there should be voices, there’s only silence
This solitary existence makes no sense
And there’s no one at the front door to greet
But no one’s listening cos no one does care
Since no one bothered to know, no one knows
And as this day’s been invaded by lows
What good is a party when no one’s there?

I shouldn’t be crying on my birthday
So dig me a grave where in I can lay


12th June 2003

Memories

A cracked mirror won’t look the same again
A resurrection forever won’t last
There’s no going back on a one-way lane
As all things behind me become the past
In tough times I’ll recall a memory
But they keep slipping from my fingers
Thus I forget that which made me happy
Despite those golden times the pain lingers
But if my sanctuary is crumbling
I can rebuild it with new memories
They will protect me when down I’m tumbling
And grant me strength to rush my enemies

I walk on. The future is waiting for me
And I’ll go and a build a new memory.


30th June 2003

Taking Punches

I feel great but you don’t like that at all
You aren’t happy until my eyes are red
You will do anything to make me fall
You gladly rip my self-esteem to shreds
You cram my ears with the dreadful of lies
You say you will be my friend and help me
Why? Because I’m pathetic in your eyes
The deception is all the more funny
The best is when true colours are revealed
And when all my hopes and dreams come out blank
My fate as a gullible prat is sealed
While you laugh all the way to the bank

So tell me, was it a worthwhile joke
To see a deceived and broken man choke?


7th June 2003

Night Terror

It starts happening in the dead of night
From each end of the house it comes prowling
It comes like a ravenous beast growling
And this leaves me hugging my pillow tight
The damage caused will be too much to mend
As plaster falls from the ceiling crumbling
Shaking the house with it’s ghastly rumbling
This is a monstrosity of legend
Enough to make one a quivering heap
There is nothing for me to reach out to
I wonder how long this will continue
This paranoia that keeps me from sleep

Who’s there to fool? Yes it’s true: My Dad snores
And there’s one thing I want to know: Does yours?


7th June 2003

Paranoia

Here I continue struggling on my way
With nothing to use to make me strong
There is not right in this world - only wrong
And this life’s not black or white - only grey
How will I know I won’t be rejected?
How will I know I won’t be dubbed a jerk?
How will I know my friendships will all work?
How can I journey on unprotected?
What do I do if something new does come?
What do I do if my hands are empty?
And if there’s nothing left to aid me?
So what do I do? Do I walk? Or run?

Someone, anyone. Please give me a sign
Answer me! For I’m running out of time


31st May 2003

Alive

I will not forget what you’ve done and said
I will not forget the punches you dealt
I will not forget the blood that was spilt
I won’t forget when I wished I was dead
Why? Well look at me know. I’m still alive
Sure the horrible pain is still seething
But what matters is that I’m still breathing
I have a tenacious will to survive
Tell your friends. Tell the whole world. I’m still here
I will rock on with the widest of grins
I simply can’t lose. I can only win
Look at my face and you will see no fear

Knock me back down onto my knees? Never!
Hear this - I’m back and better than ever


31st May 2003

Will the Summertime come again?

Gone are the happy times I remember
The warmth, the beaches, the smiles, the fun
Gone for good is this years wave of summer
I don’t want it to leave! I want the sun!
But wait! The sun is shining this morning
I grab my shorts with a grin on my face
If the summer is truly returning
Then I’ll make it come at a quicker pace!
In shorts and T-shirt, I went to breakfast
When I got there, my mother laughed at me
She said: “In winter those clothes aren’t the best!”
“So go get changed and stop being silly!”

My fantasy didn’t stop winters gloom
But I still want to summer to return soon


25th May 2003

Unemployed

Its a new morning and the house is empty
My endless quest begins again anew
I haven’t got a place where I should be
So here I journey to find things to do
I walk alone with no one to help me
But I have company so all’s not lost
Just me and my videos and CD’s
Emerged from laziness I’ve paid the cost
My credentials are but a laughing stock
Built with little effort by lazy hands
So should this bleak future come as a shock?

Come on kids, come and laugh until you weep
Come on and meet the king of the trash heap


24th May 2003

Words

Fighting to say the words you want to hear
Secrets want to speak but I’m not willing
My face moulded into a mask of fear
From my hands so much sweat keeps on spilling
Ashamed, Awkward, embarrassed, hesitant.
From my mouth, one by one, words march on out
Slowly, haltingly, to you they are sent
They are said in a soft whisper, not a shout
Yes, these words have been a long time coming
But this moment you didn’t want to miss
So you took my hand in a grasp loving
And you leaned forward to complete the kiss

Your love has given me courage and strength. Thus
I just have to tell the world about us


??/?? 2003

Desert

The flames in my heart are burning red hot
Burning like the wretched world around me
All I see is dry, scorched and left to rot
And no one knows because no one can see
You followed me in and you fell behind
We grow weaker as all our strength stays gone
We search the land but there’s nothing to find
Trapped in a doomed loop that goes on and on
There is nothing left for us both in here
Pain of guilt ravages, pride is swallowed
Infected with pain and blinded by fear
And the struggle will resume tomorrow

But a belief of hope won’t let me die
So lets keep walking with our heads held high


2nd May 2003

I shall think of you every time I hear Delta Goodrem

Light of the morning creeps into my room
A piano tells the world it’s misery
A heart-broken chick wails on TV
But, in my heart, no light can crush the gloom
The sad voice bears the shame of loneliness
And I must admit I know the feeling
A horrendous pain has left me reeling
Forging me into a miserable mess
I hope that where you are, you’re hearing the song
Because it’s not too late to change your mind
Me, you will know exactly where to find
And you’ll listen when I say I was wrong

I honestly want you back my lover
And we will both sing this song together


2nd May 2003

March of the Goths

The day has ended, the sun has fallen
A cloak of dark nightshade is descending
The time has come to emerge from hiding
We now walk on our own feet - no crawling
March into the night now the sun’s gone down
Ranks and ranks of black cloth and white faces bland
Everyone holding a candle in hand
We march to gather on a secret hill
A sacred place where we have fun freely
Where none mock us and ourselves we can be
And into our stomachs sweet wine we’ll spill

We march on our pilgrimage in silence
And a single bell tolls in the distance


2nd May 2003

We're All Beautiful

You may have glasses and a twisted nose
You may have lop ears and a fat belly
You may have snaggle teeth arranged in rows
And people say you suck and you’re smelly
You may be mocked for not doing a sport
And for wearing black and having dark dreams
And for the fantasy worlds you have sought
And spending all time with computer screens
Look at to yourself and you’ll see beauty
And it can’t be taken away at all
If you believe, other people will see
So don’t let them bring you down - stand up tall

So you prom kings and queens - hear what we say
We are all beautiful in our own way


28th April 2003