My girlfriend's better than you

My girlfriend’s better than Paris Hilton
Her head contains a working brain in there!
My girlfriend’s better than Katie Holmes - Yeah!
She doesn’t go chase after older men!
My girlfriend’s better than Lara Croft - true
She has the looks that only I can see
My girlfriend’s better than that Belldandy
Cos’ she picks me up when I’m feeling blue
My girlfriend’s better than Delta Goodrem
Her looks are twenty times more beautiful
My girlfriend doesn’t think that I’m a fool
Nor does she come from a celluloid film

Yes my girlfriend’s my sunshine, my lover
Because she catches the love I give her


25th July 2005

Mother I'm Strange

Mother, everyone says bad things to me
They keep telling me that I’m a retard
That they know something that I cannot see
They hit me with cruel words that strike so hard
Mother, nobody wants to be my friend
They won’t even try to see things my way
They call me stupid in ways that won’t end
Depending on what I do and what I say
Mother, why do they treat me terrible?
I’ve never done anything wrong to them
So why do they keep deeming me a fool?
Mother, please answer these questions I send

Mother, you said: “Son, you’re special to me”
So why can’t everybody else agree?


25th July 2005

Are you ready to be heartbroken?

I am in love with a woman so fair
She stayed with me when everyone else ran
Green eyes, marble skin, big smile, black hair
She appreciates me for who I am
But it’s her face I’m not allowed to touch
I can’t make my love for her crystal clear
Her heart won’t know how I love her so much
Cos’ her boyfriend wouldn’t like that idea
And so the love remains unrequited
What choice do I have? I can’t intervene
I just want her to be happy – not sad
So they will kiss whilst I can only dream

Love is placing one’s joy before your own
Even if it means being all alone


22nd July 2005

The ten worst break up lines

“Many women want to make love to me
To their satisfaction I must concede”
“I am more attracted to men honey
It’s within them that I find what I need”
“I’m in love with your mother. Yes it’s true!”
“I’m in love with your father. What a man!”
“Now’s the time I go to Nicole Kidman
She needs me more than ever. She’s so blue!”
“All I want from this is a good shag baby!”
“It’s not you, it’s me. And that’s the truth dear”
“Your hate of Lionel Ritchie disgusts me!”
“You’re simply too annoying! Am I clear?!”

“I love you but this won’t work out to please
Because you won’t let me wear your panties”


17th July 2005

I should get you smashed more often

There’s no use in trying to find the words
Don’t even bother - I’m not listening
I’ve got something on my mind so absurd
And the time is now for your realising
These feelings have been contained for too long
Days? Weeks? Months? I’ve given up keeping score
Being pushed past sign-posts that don’t say ‘wrong’
I want your eyes, your lips and so much more
I’ve given my conscience orders to leave
Because it’s your embrace that I’ve long sought
All I need now is for you to believe
Act now for your time is running so short

I need to know how to make you concede
To the fact that you are all that I need


17th July 2005

I’m proud to be an Australian

I’m from a nation founded by Britons
Just because their jails were overflowing
The Tasmanian Tiger’s a state icon
A creature we hunted to extinction
Anzac Day is acknowledged nation wide
Based around a military disaster
We’ve an anthem called Waltzing Matilda
A song about stealing and suicide
Eureka Stockade was our civil war
And it only lasted half an hour
And our capital? Our place of power?
An architectural feat but a real bore

Here’s to Australia, this land so strong
Hey twenty million piss-heads can’t be wrong!


11th July 2005

Spike’s lament on being single no. 5842684122

The hands crave human touch but there is none
The soul needs feeling but there is a hole
As the eyes can’t see that which is the one
Downhill all sense of hope begins to roll
The voice wants to say words but there’s no ears
The heart is empty but there’s no filling
The need to state these concerns is met with jeers
No other is ready to be willing
The mind is told that love is all around
The lips therefore asks “Why not around here?”
The goal keeps on refusing to be found
As the desolation becomes so clear

Spare me the reassurance you’re sending
As far as I know, the world is ending


11th July 2005