Love and other doomed journeys

I was walking but then I found that track
No! They said but I wanted happiness
I left contentment and entered darkness
I begin my journey. But all in pitch black.
It’s dark in here. A flower will not bloom
Love and joy I seek. But I will not find
I stagger in the dark that makes me blind
I go on my doomed journey in the gloom
Frustration and anger grow in my head
And as images of my friends fade
I scream for help but receive no aid
I continue to stagger - left for dead.

Today I still stagger on my journey
Hear my story. Come here and walk with me


30th November 1998

I am at Fault

And so I am left out there in the cold
Slowly dying with no one to see
That I have something to say
Hear me
And this story will continue to unfold
They all saw me commit a shocking crime
They all turned their backs away from me
And showered the victim with sympathy
But I learned from this incident in time
As they all left me alone in the dark
I finally see the wrong of my crime
But it’s too late. I am there in the grime
And so, on this cold stone, I make my mark.

I should not complain when I am alone
For it’s nobody’s fault but my own


15th November 1998

Madman

I have a problem but I have a cure
Jumping off a ten story city block
Laugh to my laugh, I plummet like a rock
Singing the Eighteen Twelve Overture
They left me did they? I will show them all!
Lonely. Isolation was their action
Now I gleefully face oblivion
I laugh sadistically as I fall
But the end must come to my happy ride
Becuase I now see the concrete footpath
And then I let out my final last laugh
My head cracks open. Blood runs like a tide
On impact I die in a bloody mess
And on my face a grin most hideous


15th November 1998

Depression

That's it! Everything has all led to this
Everyone else is inside unaware
About the loner. But they don't care
That loser was someone they would not miss

Outside in the cold I stare at the sky
In the cold and dark night I search for hope
A symbol, anything, so I can cope
Nothing, no justice I let out a cry

They will not listen to me. It's not fair
Since no one cared for my cry for help
I throw myself to my death with a yelp
And everyone else is still unaware

All I ever wanted was empathy
Even in my death there's no sympathy


15th November 1998

A Life

And I have led an interesting life
But it is one that is far from happy
Three mental breakdowns added to strife
The first one was from a lost love most crappy

Mental breakdown no. two was from my peers
Miserable from those smaller than me
The third one was enveloped with my fears
Sadness caused from my ex. She did not see

And yeah I have attempted suicide
Twice. Both times due to people being mean
On both occasions I went home and cried
You will not believe the chaos I have seen

I have been so sad. My life is a mess
Seems I will never find true happiness


15th December 1998

Harsh Judgement

Circle of people, numbered thirty nine
They are in communion. They are legion
In friendliness I enter their region
Then things went wrong. I wasn’t given time
I stayed but they did not want me there
In fruitless attempts to be their friend
They got annoyed. They wanted me to end
And so they left me. They just did not care.
They were one. Anyone outside was a freak
When things went wrong they helped one another
It was nobody else. Only just each other
Their isolation made me lost and weak

Outsiders are not welcome in this zone
They all walked away and left me alone


15th November 1998

Agonised Screaming

I am alone. I have been left to die
They do not want me. They just want me dead.
Looking upward, I raise my battered head.
And then I scream an agonised cry
The demons of my troubled past won’t die
They still return. To hurt, destroy and haunt.
I see them and their methods of taunt
And then I scream an agonised cry
Love is a good reason for me to die
Everywhere there are couples around
And there are so many girls who turn me down
And then I scream an agonised cry

I scream for lost love, memories and rage
And so begins the traffic of this stage


15th November 1998

Shoot the Messenger

Maybe you don’t know me but I know you
You only cared for you. No other
Its only you. Not even your mother
Regardless I fell in love. And that is true
I said: “I’ll be yours if you be mine”
But you found out and said to me: “No way”
But my love for you goes on to this day
Again I go too far time after time
Leave me. You be alone. That is the cost
You bitch. No one likes you. Surprise, surprise.
But I love you and I don’t tell lies
However I’m deluded. I am lost

I am your candle in the cold dark night
I am nothing to you but I am your light


3rd October 1998

Whale Song

Come and see, see beneath the blue green sea
Drown yourself until you hear a song
Open your eyes and there you will see
Dolphins and whales more than 10 metres long
These beautiful great beasts in sounds they sing
High pitched squeaks along with deep low sounds
They do what they like. No one here is king
You will hear nothing like this on dry ground
The songs are sometimes sad. For this we grieve
We sit and see the performance unfurl
But we are needed at home. We must leave
We must leave them in silence and their world

So come with me now and take that one chance
And go to where the whales sing and dance


22nd August 1998

Morning After

Morning After (1998)

It was all over when the morning came
It started innocently enough
I went to a mate’s party to find fame
But it was a pissup
“Get drunk! Be tough!”
Onlookers chant
“Scul! Scul! Chug! Chug! Down!”
Finally I finished on the floor
Madness before me, I grin facing down
Then a girl came hips swaying like a whore
She really wanted a good hard
fucking
We went to the bedroom
Cheers from the lads
Protruding breasts, ready for sucking
Then she starting biting my nads

I sat on the bed as morning came in
I sat right there contemplating
my sin


2nd July 1998

When Stuart met Phillippa

I met her in a most unlikely place
In a world of madness
Insanity
Across the room into her pretty face
In it I saw none but serenity
She was something
had a reputation
I am with someone who is really cool
I made myself into her eye vision
But I ended up being a fool
She was beautiful
She did cleaning work
I showed a lot of appreciation
In her presence I annoyingly lurk
I end up screwing up conversation

She was an amazing person in the end
Here begins the tale of my new friend


21st June 1998