Unhappily Ever After

Stuck in single life. A wretched prison

My latest attempt to run has too blown

But I’m sick of wondering what I’m missing

It’s time to embrace what I’ve always known

So no more will I engage in the chase

No more will I miss out on something grand

No more will I try so hard to save face

No more will I hope for a lucky hand

No more being seen as some kind of threat

No more experiences to be shared

No more need for human touch left unmet

No more declarations that I’m not scared

Thus I embrace the single life: Rejoice

After all, it’s not like I have a choice

Manifesto of the Unhappily Single

I have a goal and I will reach for it
No matter what anyone else may say
To find a life partner I will commit
And nothing’s going to get in my way
I shall become one of the lucky few
I will deem all rejections offending
I’ll have a partner to worship so true
I’ll claim my own fairy tale ending
I will force the world to see my appeal
To this one truth I will make them succumb
I’ll embrace an idea as strong as steel
And determination deaf blind and dumb

But what I want is someplace to call home
Because I just don’t want to be alone


Completed 24th February 2014

Confessions of a Loser

I’m a freak who has no right to exist
I’m the finest dreg of humanity
Even when it’s otherwise I tell me
Escaping this fate? I should not persist
I’m unemployed and unemployable
I inspire people to run away
And for what reasons? They simply won’t say
I only trigger excuses so cruel
I’m a dull, direction lacking, ugly
Forever broke, status quo offending
Nothing but hopeless, not worth defending
Desperate, pitiful, monstrosity

But there’s something for me, you need to do
I need you to know: I have feelings too


27th January 2014

Untitled (I)

She rings up to tell of a new boyfriend
This being her seventh phone call this week
His greatness: The only thing she can speak
And it doesn’t seem clear when it will end
Apparently they do much together
Go shopping, buy gifts, do lunch, take photos
Introducing her friends, watch TV shows
Has he let her down completely? Never
Making very clear this good thing she’s got
He fills her up with happiness so true
With him she does things that we used to do
This I’m told whether I like it or not

I’m happy for you that you’re doing well
But can’t you find somebody else to tell?


25th November 2013

Death of a Dream

Today's the day the dream cracked wide open
Just stand there and watch it collapse and burn
The endpoint of years spent fighting, hoping
Trade it for an irrevocable turn
Why did it go wrong? You were doing well
Could say there’ll be next time but it’s not true
Walked like a giant. Devastatingly fell
And the world’s been warped into something new
What do you do when the world has fallen?
What do you do when there’s nothing to clasp?
Has destiny decreed to stop calling?
When the victory slipped and fell from grasp?

There anything left worthy to obtain?
Is it worth starting all over again?


1st July 2013

Ever felt like you’ve been cheated?

Being led on by promises empty
Debts facing no plans of being repaid
Being asked to hand over a sucker’s fee
Relying solely on a false trust made
Investing cash in a goal not alive
Putting in effort for little return
Waiting patiently though it won’t arrive
Realising you don’t have money to burn
What made you think it would work out this time
From one can recover; Not a blunder
From common sense why did you cross the line?
Why’d you bother? One can only wonder

So what is there to do when it’s all gone?
For one, you stand up and keep moving on


27th May 2013

Forever Broke

Seeing the same four walls from yesterday
One day with money for thirteen without
Will never happen again you did say
And yet there’s no end in sight for this drought

The car engine is running on empty
Can’t afford bus fare, new shoes or a snack
Saving? If only it were that easy
For every step forward there’s ten more back

Too little supply for too much demand
All for something that can’t be provided
Running on a path uncertain, unplanned
Why did you bother getting out of bed

And another day’s spent losing this game
And what’s on tomorrow? More of the same


6th May 2013

The Third Decayed

I wish I had a job. Full time. Good pay
Doing something that I’m really good at
You know like how everyone’s doing that
It would beat doing nothing every day

Wish I had a house I could call my own
It will best living in a basement plain
I’ll do what I like. No one will complain
It would somewhere I could call my home

I wish I had someone to give a rose
Someone whose heart speaks nothing but the truth
Hope it happens soon while I have my youth
The quest grows harder the longer it goes

I need all these things for by now I should
Before it slips out of my reach for good


1st April 2013

Out of Time

Hours are getting shorter with each day
Growing tired and needing a good rest
Where did the last decade go? Who can say?
No fun aging – anyone can attest
Mistakes have been made and hands bloodied red
People lie cold with many a dashed scheme
Do they still want that face broken and dead?
Or has it vanished like a fading dream?
Could be bitter but really there’s no point
The world’s moving too fast. Can’t grasp the change
Gone are glory days. None left to anoint
And now the romance is sure looking strange.

Hours are getting shorter with each day
And a long sleep is but a step away


31st October 2011

Thirty Suffering

Are you doing what you said you would do?
Are you making a living from a dream?
Recall the times you said you had a scheme?
Did any of those promises come true?
Did you imagine owning a house by now?
Did you refuse to end up a fat slob?
Did you think you’d struggle to find a job?
Have you done something to make them say ‘Wow’?
Have you really spent the past ten years well?
Did the dreams bear fruit or get left to rust?
Did reality crush you into dust?
Are you in a story worthy to tell?

Are the results of bad decisions rife?
You sure you know what to do with your life?


18th July 2011

Can’t spell confidence without the con

Well it’s happened yet again: Disaster
Yet another plan’s blown up in my face
My dreams have fallen, I’m left in disgrace
With but the remains of a non-starter
I really thought this one would work this time
What was I thinking? I must’ve been a fool
Asking for a break? What a laugh! Life’s cruel
You know, it’s funny how high hopes can climb
Who was I kidding? It was a dumb plan
What a chump I was to think I could win
It was only me I was deluding
How foolish it was to think that: ‘I can’

And so with my high hopes forever gone
I head back to the slime where I belong


16th July 2012

An army of demons and a loaded rifle

One for the image they told me to reach

Two for all the friends who never came back

Three for all the time spent on the wrong track

Four for the life lessons they tried to teach

Five for all the potential left unused

Six for the hearts that have been left broken

Seven for the lies that have been spoken

Eight for the many offers left refused

Nine for the circles that kept me way out

Ten for the hate I so easily bred

Eleven for all those who want me dead

Twelve for those left disappointed, in doubt

And this army will arrive on this day

But I’m ready – I’m not running away

6th April 2012

Cuddle Slut

Soft, smooth, cream skin just waiting for my touch
Both wrapped up in a bliss beyond sublime
Lying on me, warming my heart so much
She gives what I’ve been needing all this time
Forgetting the world – yes this is the way
Close to each other in a moment fair
But she’s not listening to what I’ve to say
She has a goal – one I refuse to share
She rejects me - writing me off as strange
As she knows signs of the pathetic path
Nothing I say or do will prompt a change
She knows the truth and boy is it a laugh

So into my delusions she does tear
As doom awaits those who bother to care


21st July 2007

How am I Going to Do This?

I’ve got to get up and take on the world
Day after day after day in this life
With no instructions on how to survive
And without any support to be held
No one can see me, I must walk alone
Following rules no one else will reveal
With no clue how to look, act, speak or feel
I fail where I must succeed on my own
No one’s willing to lend a helping hand
There’s no indication where I go wrong
I need help but it doesn’t come along
So I’m left crawling whilst breathing in sand

Lead me to the rock higher than myself
Because I just can’t do it by myself


8th July 2006

Walk the Road of Damnation

Another step taken upon this road
Journeying further to oblivion
Can’t ignore the doom of destination
Carrying a forever growing load
Following plans that were doomed from day one
Cursed with a destiny never wanted
By past demons eternally haunted
With atrocious mounting by the tonne
Couldn’t change if I tried – All just too hard
Prospects of redemption are just for fools
Once a bastard? Hell, always a bastard
Always forward. Not backwards. It’s the rule

No use escaping damnation you know
So I march to the one place I can go


8th July 2006

Not all of the Damned wear black leather

What a miserable life it’s been: born lame
Without the essential skills to survive
And with no excuse to be kept alive
And then came the devil to stake a claim
Got to be the bad guy: the rules dictate
Must abide even when they keep changing
Just can’t argue destiny’s arranging
There’s no escaping the ultimate fate
Sneered at for sunshine, goodness and heather
Squashed down upon for a kind attitude
Bearing an appearance that some find rude
And damnation’s meant to make it better?

Faced by the world with an eternal frown
There’s no where left to go but down, down, down


17th February 2006

Fate's Law

Lady Destiny has a plan for me
Branded around me like string on a spool
It doesn’t matter if I like these rules
I just can’t refuse, challenge it or flee
Destiny doesn’t care if I feel sad
Or if I get nothing out of fate’s law
And to know this fact, I was showed a door
Which led to horrors that hurt so bad
Fighting to triumph? Unacceptable
Any progress made needs intervention
I must stay on the correct direction
For nothing works in the favour of fools

I must walk this road made by my better
Me liking it or not doesn’t matter


16th December 2005

Slapped in the face by the hand of rejection

I want you to see I’m the one you need
It’s just too bad that you can’t see the same
I’m a good man, surely you must concede
But I’m just a useless pawn in this game
I’ll put in the effort to make this work
But you will never know until you try
I’ll be a good man, not a total jerk
But you refuse me and won’t tell me why
If you take a chance I’ll see it repaid
But that doesn’t make me the man you want
Take me on - I’ll see that you never fade
So why does this pledge become an affront?

You now wish me luck in my search? I bet
Way I’m going, I need all I can get


16th December 2005

Lost

Another day but still nothing’s changing
It’s now becoming a struggle to breathe
As normality is rearranging
Hope for the future is hard to believe
Keeping track of time now just seems pointless
Conquering these walls seems futile to try
Silly are memories of happiness
Discarding instructions on how to cry
Seeing images of a love so pure
But such strong pillars have begun to fade
Such reassurance won’t provide a cure
Because plans for this outcome have been laid

Hope crumbles, falls and shatters on the floor
As a young, weary mind screams for no more


11th September 2005

Mother I'm Strange

Mother, everyone says bad things to me
They keep telling me that I’m a retard
That they know something that I cannot see
They hit me with cruel words that strike so hard
Mother, nobody wants to be my friend
They won’t even try to see things my way
They call me stupid in ways that won’t end
Depending on what I do and what I say
Mother, why do they treat me terrible?
I’ve never done anything wrong to them
So why do they keep deeming me a fool?
Mother, please answer these questions I send

Mother, you said: “Son, you’re special to me”
So why can’t everybody else agree?


25th July 2005