I feel better now

And suddenly it’s clear and it’s all true
Look at me: I’ve reason to be happy
Because I’m heading off for some place new
For I’ve had a moment of clarity
In amongst the confusion I found out
This thing called life: it’s one big joke you see
All the disasters? The failures? The doubt?
Don’t argue: Just follow it completely
The attempts made to progress aren’t worth it
So it shouldn’t be a concern for me
So goodbye those I know: You did jack shit
Now watch as I discard all sanity

So towards chaos I open the door
Is it worth it? I don’t care any more


28th October 2013

Addict

Same need. Same plan. Same thoughts of temptation
Same pause. Same doubt. Same fear of a presage
Same conflicting thoughts. Same hesitation
Same mobile number. Same text message

Same lies spoken. Same route and roads plotted
Same promise that this will be the last time
Same paranoia of getting spotted
Same street. Same driveway. Same house. Same door chime

Same amount of dollars. Same sense of touch
Same rush of sensation. Same ecstasy
Same assurance it was wanted so much
Same pain resonating in the belly

Leaving feeling empty, unhappy, weak
And knowing he’ll be back again next week


15th October 2012

Whispers

A door many have already stepped through

What happened to them one can’t comprehend

Don’t think if this is the right thing to do

Just come on in and meet your new best friend

Words are uttered in an English broken

Don’t care ‘bout your name or where you’ve come from

Not the first time these words have been spoken

Just don’t leave until the pain is all gone

Life ceases to exist. Fingers touch ice

A heart is stripped of all its emotion

With movements automated and precise

Just sit right back and go through the motion

Suddenly not feeling at all too well

So shut your mouth and fall under the spell

6th August 2012

Too Good to be True

My lover came knocking on my front door

With a bouquet of roses in his hand

He said beautiful was the dress I wore

And things only my heart could understand

He asked me about my day and my friends

That a booking for dinner had been made

His touch makes my heart race. The kiss he sends

He holds me and I’m no longer afraid

He says he’ll be there for me. He does care

I hear his heart beat when I hold him tight

The adoration is beyond compare

But in my heart something doesn’t feel right

He’s too good to be true. Thus we must part

My hands on the knife rammed into his heart

6th April 2012

Suicide

I want to enter an eternal rest
I want to forget the feeling of pain
I want the nightmares in my mind to leave their nest
I want to cease trying to live again
I want it all to end before I go insane
I want an end to feelings of being a flop
I want to everything to stop


28/09/2006

Wasted

This day is beautiful beyond belief
The sun is shining and the clouds are blue
On this summer’s day, there’s nothing to rue
The soul sighs with long-over due relief
From my bones, the built up tension eases
The pain is cast away leaving no trace
As the sunlight beams on my smiling face
And the storm within my heart decreases
This long road has been walked upon before
Always stretching as far as I can see
It refused to lead me to victory
But defeat’s not a concern any more

The grin’s wide but the eyes are choked with red
From the two shotgun shells in my forehead


4th July 2005

Raped at an Anime Convention

She cosplayed as Yuna from FFX
With body good and disposition shy
She stepped in and caught everyone’s eye
She wouldn’t have guessed what would happen next
The hall was filled with geeks from end to end
The ones that lived on porn and lechery
The men who were ugly, fat and smelly
The types that would never get a real girlfriend
All the geeks smiled crocodile smiles
She appeared unaware – All the better!
All reached the one commanding thought: Get her!
And she was pulled down onto cold floor tiles

The geeks sought to lose their virginity
She did scream but no one could hear or see

9th April 2005

The Hour of Judgement

Needles of rain hammer down from up high
A storm rages on this darkest of nights
The volatile heavens scream with their might
And thus, the hour of judgement is nigh
All alone in a cabin in the woods
My shotgun is loaded and prepared to burn
On the front porch underneath a lantern
Armed and ready to deliver the goods
I can hear his feet running through the mud
I can feel his eyes glaring white at me
I know he’s coming and that he’s hungry
He is a demon and he wants my blood

Hunted by a beast on a night so grim
With shotgun in hand, I’m ready for him.


19th May 2004

Angelus Erroneous

When it happened, you asked me to forget
Even though I asked you to remember
It’s grip caught us both like fish in a net
And the world we knew was changed forever
The angels came down from the sky falling
With broken wings, bloodied wounds and frail limbs
You weren’t listening when you heard me calling
You only heard Heaven’s destructive hymns
The gates are now closed to this dying earth
To be never opened ever again
On this wrecked ground there is no time for mirth
As the dead number in thousands of ten.

That fateful day marked the end of a dream
You broke down when I asked you not to scream


23rd March 2003

Fear of Ghosts

What'd I do to deserve this wretched fate?
Why must you make my life a living Hell?
Why must your voice keep ringing like a bell?
Why am I the target of all your hate?
Yes I did kill you many moons ago
But you tormented me as you do now
And your motives were unclear - You played foul
And I sank into a pit so low
Cast from society I hid away
From the sin I so wanted to forget
But last night I awoke in a cold sweat
You came back to haunt me for every day

A fear of ghosts makes guilty conscience loom
A ghost is here to drag me to my doom


4th August 2002

Revenge

I am myself, you are many and one
You keep kicking me, making me deranged
But today it's all going to change
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run
I am going to squash unjust pain
I will reject you as you rejected me
I will elude your dark grasp and live free
And without me, you'll never be the same
What did I do to deserve this? Tell me
You don't know do you? That you cannot tell
So when I'm done casting you into Hell
I will leave you burning, laughing with glee

For me there is a promise of a new day
For the burning pain, I have made you pay


4th August 2002

Obliterate

He is dark - nothing but a tortured soul
He is a solitaire - Quiet and grim
he has few friends, many want to kill him
Yet despite his deathly aura he ain’t lull
He is filled with only pain and sorrow
As he can’t love but hate, he can’t go back
What’s more he can’t defend only attack
He can’t run but go onto tomorrow
And yet he weeps for his predicament
For those who’ve come to know him and his curse
But fighting from chaos does he emerge
Only atrocities does he commit

He doesn’t take any crap from anyone
But can’t recall when he last saw the sun


14th January 2001

Eradicate

What is left me is only a shell
Everything inside me has been burned out
There’s nothing I can do but scream and shout
In my very own self-constructed hell
I want to burn everything in my sight
To oblivion I will make folk go
And as I make this world an inferno
Flames of my pain and strength will light the night
But this would be different if you’d stayed
Yet my tears and my pain can’t bring you back
And now happiness is what my heart lacks
Without you my violence will not be swayed

If you stay around, my violence will turn
Until then, all will continue to burn


13th January 2001

Annihilate

Wherever he may walk, everything burns
A bringer of death, pain, hatred and strife
He is doomed to loneliness in this life
As for onlookers, away their heads turn
he walks into town with purposeful stride
Voices of abuse ring out like a bell
And as he plots their casting into hell
They make permanent scars upon his pride
But he never wanted it in this way
He was himself but not given a chance
Thus he is dislikeable at first glance
But his thirst for vengeance won’t go away

They isolate and abuse him each day
But he will destroy them and make them pay


13th December 2000

Bad Parents

Both the parents left to go to dinner.
They were gone for some hours. That’s what they did.
However they left with minds of sinners.
They wanted to get away from their kid!!
His screaming drove them mad so they both fled.
Silence they were after. And they got it.
Pleased with peace and quiet and no sore heads.
They forgot all about the little shit.
Meanwhile the kid never left his room.
Scary nightmares made him cower in fright.
Totally scared he sensed impending doom.
With no parents he won’t get through the night

The parents went away to have some fun
And the frightened kid waited for the sun-


?? September 1999

The Angel

I am the angel who comes from above
I am here to bring light to the dark day
I am here to spread the whole world with love
But who said it was going to be that way?
You regard me as a symbol of hope
You all run to me. the young and old
My position you all envelop
I stare back at you - pitiless and cold
People rejoice in front of my stern face
Preacher says: “Evil paths we have taken
“But even though we have fallen from grace
“This sign shows we will not be forsaken!”

Sadly I am a messenger of doom
To say that the end is coming
Very soon


29th December 1998

Depression

That's it! Everything has all led to this
Everyone else is inside unaware
About the loner. But they don't care
That loser was someone they would not miss

Outside in the cold I stare at the sky
In the cold and dark night I search for hope
A symbol, anything, so I can cope
Nothing, no justice I let out a cry

They will not listen to me. It's not fair
Since no one cared for my cry for help
I throw myself to my death with a yelp
And everyone else is still unaware

All I ever wanted was empathy
Even in my death there's no sympathy


15th November 1998

Madman

I have a problem but I have a cure
Jumping off a ten story city block
Laugh to my laugh, I plummet like a rock
Singing the Eighteen Twelve Overture
They left me did they? I will show them all!
Lonely. Isolation was their action
Now I gleefully face oblivion
I laugh sadistically as I fall
But the end must come to my happy ride
Becuase I now see the concrete footpath
And then I let out my final last laugh
My head cracks open. Blood runs like a tide
On impact I die in a bloody mess
And on my face a grin most hideous


15th November 1998