An ode to Ico

Favorite game? Ico. On the PS2
No joke: you’ve heard exactly what I’ve said
Not for me Portal, Halo and Wow too

No, give me a lad with horns on his head
Who meets a princess in a big fortress
Who can open doors and make black shapes dead

Both doomed to die: A fate to readdress
So an escape Ico and Yorda plan
Hand in hand through the castle they progress

Contending with: puzzles, solved as they can
And bashing, with a wood stick, black shadows
And, worse of all, Yorda’s attention span

Under bloom lightening the game flows
Showing Legend of Zelda how it’s done
Along with a loneliness this game knows

Oh Ico, you poor selling ball of fun
Father of Shadow of the Colossus
Now on the PS3 for everyone
Ico: Who does so much more with so less
Who proudly passes the ‘game as art’ test
And a real tear jerker I must confess

Yes, my favorite game’s Ico. It’s the best!
Mood, emotion: There’s nothing quite like it.
Even though it’s one big long escort quest


25th July 2014

The lament of a conscience

My friend has made a terrible mistake
I tried to warn him but he wouldn’t heed
I gave him the good advice he would need
But stupid moves he continues to make
I do my job but he just doesn’t care
Why speak? He won’t hear a damn word I say
I want to see him heading in the right way
But he keeps forgetting I’m always there
Why do I bother hanging around him?
I stuck with him! This is the thanks I get!
I’m treated with the same hate as a debt!
Well stuff it then: I’m handing my badge in

To make mistakes. So my friend you are free
Only this time it will be without me


14th October 2013

An open letter to Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor – how are you going today?
Hope you are enjoying worldwide success
I write this for I have something to say
I want to be the prince to your princess
I want to be your boyfriend, your lover
Forget your past failures – I’ll be your man
Stick with me – you’ll never need another
Treat you good? Fix broken hearts? That I can
I can be the one you talk to and trust
I’ll give you gifts and love you every day
I’ll leave your previous boyfriends in the dust!
I’ll make your dreams come true – Just come my way

But hold on: I’m not famous! Such a crime
Oh well then – Sorry for wasting your time


11th February 2013

The book of films unmade by George Lucas

Hi George. Nice to see you. We need to talk
You remember us? We’re all your ideas
While you’ve been watching Star Wars like a hawk
We’ve been dormant for many, many years
We can’t survive in a book left untouched
Please make us the films you’re working on next!
We need your voice, our creator, so much
We will let you use digital effects!
Don’t walk away from us – Don’t say never!
You have money, influence! Make us breathe!
You can’t keep mining nerd cash forever!
Please! Before death decides it’s time to leave!

We need to thrive as complete films - to live
Just make us! We’re all prepared to forgive


5th November 2012

I want to be Taylor Swift’s boyfriend

I want to be Taylor Swift’s boyfriend – true
I could do better than all her past ones
Hell, if I told her she might agree too!
And we will shine bright like a thousand suns
We’ll be together. Her songs I’ll critique
I’ll be loving, kind generous as can be
Of course it won’t last long – maybe a week
And like the rest she’ll write a song ‘bout me
Sure she will call me a jerk and worthless
But it will be the lucky break I need
Being in her songs will make one famous
It’s an immortality guaranteed.

Will it be worth it being her boyfriend?
People will know me – it will in the end


29th October 2012

I will be your Romeo

Tell you what: I will be your Romeo
I will be your man: handsome. Brave and bold
Bound by the heart, hand in hand we will go
To the greatest love story ever told:
On the first day we’ll attract instantly
Forget about previous loves: We’re done
And on the second day we will marry
Just met but apparently you’re the one
You will smile and go along with it all
I could be a nutter but heart says no
With generations of hate we’ve got gall
Over. But give it time and it will blow

We’ll die but at least we’ll live forever
It’ll still be the greatest love ever


22nd October 2012

The Procrastinating Student

I’ve just been handed a new assignment
But it can wait for now: I’ve things to do
Like Xbox baddies to shoot and torment
But I’ll get my school work done in time - true

It’s a week in but nothing’s been commenced
Well, apart from my journeys through Skyrim
I could start my school work – that would make sense
But I WILL get it done and I WILL win

Crunch time but the assignments still not done
I’ve got a week to produce something good
Empty tank preparing for the long run
But I know this is not the best I could

With the assignment done I can play games
But now, somehow, it doesn’t feel the same


10th September 2012

For the Horde!

Come join the Horde! Yeah I’m talking to you!

Join the legions of the Undead and Orcs

The Tauren, Blood Elves, Trolls and Goblins too

Don’t go with the Alliance – they’re all dorks

We take up blades for honour and glory!

Everyone greets you with ‘Lok'tar Ogar’!

You want fighting, drinking, food and money?

Then take the trip down to Orgrimmar

We’ll ride from the Outlands and to Northrend

We’ll go take on Deathwing and the Liche King

We won’t fall nor to anyone’s will bend

Because we’ve got your back when you’re raiding

Now some say we’re violent, ugly and crass

But who cares? We still kick all kinds of ass!

27th August 2012

Lets be an Emo!

I’ve decided! I will be miserable!
For reasons I’m not entirely clear on
I will gladly shed tears by the gallon
I won’t heed to those who call me a tool
Why bother trying to find reasons why?
Self-Indulgence? Just what the hell is that?
The concept of happiness now seems flat
Finding it’s just too difficult to try
And with this black eyeliner I anoint
I will banish all other emotions!
I will immerse myself in my problems!
I could find solutions but what’s the point?

I embrace despair, self-contempt and fear
Don’t know why though – seems like a good idea


25th October 2007

The Succubus

She came from the depths of hell just for me
She brought along her taste for black leather
With a bust oversized and a voice sexy
And a want for me, for her own, forever
I made no complaints I simply agreed
But only upon the terms that I say
So, with her all too willing to concede
I forced her into liking anime
I showed her how to love high football scores
I taught her to play Soul Calibur 3
I introduced her to my Labradors
I made her listen to my poetry

And in the end she took my soul from me
With no protest, it was all too easy


7th July 2006

The ten worst break up lines

“Many women want to make love to me
To their satisfaction I must concede”
“I am more attracted to men honey
It’s within them that I find what I need”
“I’m in love with your mother. Yes it’s true!”
“I’m in love with your father. What a man!”
“Now’s the time I go to Nicole Kidman
She needs me more than ever. She’s so blue!”
“All I want from this is a good shag baby!”
“It’s not you, it’s me. And that’s the truth dear”
“Your hate of Lionel Ritchie disgusts me!”
“You’re simply too annoying! Am I clear?!”

“I love you but this won’t work out to please
Because you won’t let me wear your panties”


17th July 2005

I’m proud to be an Australian

I’m from a nation founded by Britons
Just because their jails were overflowing
The Tasmanian Tiger’s a state icon
A creature we hunted to extinction
Anzac Day is acknowledged nation wide
Based around a military disaster
We’ve an anthem called Waltzing Matilda
A song about stealing and suicide
Eureka Stockade was our civil war
And it only lasted half an hour
And our capital? Our place of power?
An architectural feat but a real bore

Here’s to Australia, this land so strong
Hey twenty million piss-heads can’t be wrong!


11th July 2005

A phone call from my ex

My ex called me up last night just to say
That I was a jerk – and she was smiling
She said: “Without me, how are you going?”
And I told her today was a great day
Today was the day I took out the trash
The day I burnt my hand when pouring tea
When the postman brought only bills for me
And my car got totalled in a huge crash
Today, my boss fired me on the spot
I missed the bus and got caught in the rain
I got mugged whilst waiting for a train
And the water in my bath wasn’t hot

And then I said today was a great day
There’s no need to worry: All was okay


5th May 2005

The joys of being an adult

I can get up whenever I want to
No one complains when I make my own rules
No one objects when I do what I do
I make my own perception on what’s cool
I vow to do something new every day
I spoil myself because I’m worth it
I don’t care what those younger than me say
Anyone can whinge but who gives a shit?
I can go to bars and get legally drunk
The government pays me heaps to find work
I can have the attitude of a punk
I can swear lots and not be called a jerk

Me set an example? What an affront!
I’m an adult. I can do what I want


24th April 2005

Mad Room

I’m a coupla beers short of six pack
They let me out of the mad house too soon
Watch as my day of destiny does loom
Don’t call my therapist. He thinks I’ve cracked
Attention encourages me they say
Pass me the Prozac. I need it right now
Before I go and butcher that sacred cow
Don’t ask. The hospital made me this way
I should be acting my age, you know that?
The effects of the medication have past
Careering down the highway much too fast
And within time you will hear me go splat

If all mental breakdowns are this much fun
Maybe I should have more after this one


18th February 2005

Mantra of the Video-Gamers

Check this out: I am the one man army
With a huge gun that shoots round after round
And slaughters the baddies by the thousand
So, who’s stupid enough to take on me?
I am the prophet that will lead you all
On the road to a glorious empire
All those who oppose us will be purged with fire
I’m better than Caesar. I will stand tall
If you dare stand in my way, you shall fall
If you try to stop me you’ll dearly pay
My blood lust isn’t going to go away
Blood runs, Anger rises, Death wakes, War calls!

And people say that it’s only a game
Good lord, that concept is so fucking lame


17th February 2005

Nerd Convention

Well aren’t I Miss Popular. I’m a hit!
Here at this convention I dominate
I’ve lost count of the requests for a date
Guess the Yuna outfit must’ve done it
I can test my knowledge of Sailor Moon
Even though my opponents are all guys
I can say where some Star Trek ensign dies
And, with delight, does it make the men swoon
Here, I can talk all about Gundam Seed
And who’s my favourite Stargate character
I get smiled at by the fans of Princess Leia
Because I’m member of a small breed

Here we don’t care about social blunders
Because this world’s ruled by dateless wonders


17th January 2005

Sesshomaru stole my girlfriend

My girlfriend doesn’t want me any more
Cos she’s become an Inu-yasha freak
She keeps watching the show week after week
And it’s Sesshomaru she has eyes for
She hopes he’ll kick Inu-Yasha’s head in
She maintains he was framed for his past crimes
She wears lovely dresses for the right time
All she talks about is that damn demon
He will use anyone to get his way
She says that task was what she was born for
I say he hates humans and will kill her
But she says she’ll gladly throw her life away

Sesshomaru is her life she insists
One can wonder if she knows I exist


28th December 2004

Hurrah for junk food!

There’s nothing like that pleasurable feeling
Of filling one’s cakehole with so much salt!
I won’t listen to you preaching the faults
This is one sin that won’t leave me reeling
The constant consummation of fried chips
The lovely meat and sauce of a burger
And with me Dim Sims will also go far
It’s all granted stomach entry by my lips
Who cares ‘bout the fat when it tastes so good?
It’s a world apart from what Mum gives me!
This food is the king of pleasures guilty
Consumed once in a while - as it should

Although it’s not good to eat this stuff daily
I relish this joy when it comes to me


22nd October 2004

Sunday night

Well here we go again, into the breach
To my weekly battle I’m off to fight
It’s always the same, every Sunday night
I walk paths where the goal is out of reach
It’s me versus my constant enemy
Who only comes out during this one time
It’s on my frustrations he will dine
The demon of insomnia wants me
He wants to fight – Not to hear me snoring
This week won’t bring a change. He wants to keep
Me as far away from my treasured sleep
And I’m left a wreck on Monday morning

I won’t win – He’ll add to his winning streak
And it all will begin again next week

10th October 2004